What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
