i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
