wakey wakey hands off snakey
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
