You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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