So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
