ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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