Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
