I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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