So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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