i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
