Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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