i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
