Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
