is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
