just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I want a musical about memes.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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