i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
