I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
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Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
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EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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