I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Drake has all the answers
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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