dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
