so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ketchup is God's man juice
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
