1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
