You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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