but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
