Tell her she can't have a vagina
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
