I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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