maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
