Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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