I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
