I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
