Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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