Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
