Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
