i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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