That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
