I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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