drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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