dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
