My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
