just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
