My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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