You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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