Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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