I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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