All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
