So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
