I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
