Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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