hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
