well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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