You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
