So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
