I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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