Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You have to summon your inner elephant
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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