can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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