Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
