I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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