i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
