Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
