hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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