This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
