I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
