glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
People in love make me want to vomit
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
