You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
