You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
