Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
