Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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