brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
