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i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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