Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
