She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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