Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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