just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
