My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
