Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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