Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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