I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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