Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
