Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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