ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
