I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
