My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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